The last few weeks have been so full as we (the five interns) have settled into the schedule of the next month or so. I got to catch up with my friend who has been struggling so much, I spent two days at the clinic instead of one, and I got to teach science "lab" to 1-4 graders (we are learning the basics of how to grow a sunflower!).
One of the days I was at the clinic, we had a staff lunch at a Somali restaurant. First from the menu to be ordered was camel...and honestly I quit listening to the rest of the order. It was sooo good! My stomach wasn't exactly happy with me later, but it was well worth it.
I have been driving some here thanks to our team leader who is allowing me to use his family's car while they are stateside. It has been really fun for me to learn to drive here, but this last week I had my first I-don't-like-driving-here experience. Long story shortened--a 30 minute drive took me 4 hours because I took several wrong turns that led me straight into the jam. Yes, I cried at least every hour. My phone died at one point, which added anxiety, but thank goodness for street walkers who sell car chargers for 3 bucks!!
Last Sunday, I was able to help lead worship in church. At one point, as the worship team was warming up, two of the singers looked at me and encouraged me to get more involved with the music. I laughed and told them that I was doing good just to move side-to-side with the beat--I also told them that once I learned Hindi and Kiswahili fluently then I would dance with them during worship.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Orientation week: The build up and arrival
It has been really busy the last couple of weeks. I was aiding my boss in making the final preparations for the internship orientation week. We planned out a menu, wrote up a LONG grocery list and got to work trying to gather all that we would need for when the other interns arrived (the details of putting together an orientation week in someone else's house while also providing food for all meals...COMPLEX--shout out to Karis (my boss) who did an incredible job organizing such a huge thing). I had burgers and game night with friends. I also had a pizza night with friends and some RVA (Rift Valley Academy) boys my friends are guardians over while they're at RVA boarding school. I also had my neighbors, who happen to be one of my pastors and his wife, over for dinner one night. I got to spend time with a friend from college who has been here with Serge (World Harvest) for the last year. Overall, living alone for 2 weeks was not all that bad. I love having people over and I have been trying to learn how to enjoy and utilize time when living alone.
I knew that living by myself would be a challenge if only for the reason that I am an extrovert and spending more than an hour alone by myself can really take it out of me (I hope I don't exhaust others as much as I exhaust myself!) Furthermore, working through Sonship and reading through A Praying Life just happened to hit at the right time to really challenge me to spend time talking with my Father. If I haven't said this already, spending time with Him has become really difficult for me the last couple years. My view of Him and my view of myself are separately so skewed that seeking time with Him in conversation is not something I have desired, nor have I felt necessary. Going through these two studies though, I am being prodded to seek Him, and I can feel the ache of emptiness in my heart causing me to desire time with Him. Also, reading A Praying Life has made me realize how much pressure I feel when I pray. Because the concept of God being personal, a being that can and does relate back to me, is something I have grown up knowing, I have developed a lot of bitterness towards Him for not answering some really big requests I have made in my life. I have also spent most of my life praying like the pharisee who stands on a corner and talks about all that he has done well (Luke 18:9-14). Prayer has become something I do when I tell someone I'll pray for them and I feel guilty if I don't at least mention their name to God and say something like, "I lift so-and-so up to you, God." But is He really listening, especially when the person praying cares so little? This is the question that has been hard for me to answer. What about the time he took my brother from this world when I begged him on the shore not to? What about the time I asked him to get me that job to help bolster my med school app? Why hasn't he allowed me to feel his arms around me or hear his voice audibly?
Part of me has grown to expect Him to answer in the opposite way I ask, or not answer at all. I don't expect good gifts from Him, and I doubt that he cares to listen to lil ole ME!! However, somehow, the Spirit has softened me with good words of my God's character. Part of my problem is that I segment His character into separate boxes so that He becomes distant to me. Imagine segmenting the character of a friend, or even yourself; it isn't pretty.
So what would I do if the Lord God showed up to my house for a surprise visit? One night I decided that as I ate dinner I would turn the other chairs toward me and act as if the Trinity was there before me. Let me tell you this, it was the opposite of comfortable for me. I kept checking the window to make sure no one was gawking there at me. I laughed nervously and looked at my plate. What was I supposed to say?! Hey. I feel crazy because I am talking to air. I ran out of things to say, laughed at myself for offering desert to the chairs and then made myself sit there and keep talking. I slowly felt more comfortable. The thoughts that kept rolling around in my mind were as follows: God is real and He is present with me even though I can't see Him. He is enjoying time with me and laughing with me in pleasure at my silliness. He cares about my heart, about my wounds, and He wants to listen. He does listen. He is in this room with me now!
The interns arrived last Wednesday night and we have been going through cultural orientation and the beginning of the Sonship study. It is so fun to have them here! I knew one of them from college but the other three I didn't know at all. It is pretty cool how well we meld together so far, and how gracious the team here is to newcomers (I'm learning so much about the grace of the Father through my teammates).
Thursday night was a hard night though, separate from orientation. I got a call about a friend I have here who seemed to be in a pretty dark place. After getting in touch with her one of my teammates decided to go with her husband to the girl's place. I was in a place of total helplessness, in a situation that felt hopeless. I pled with God to keep my friend alive, save her from the darkness, enable my teammate to get there quickly and safely, somehow have the locks on the girl's door unlocked and for speedy travel to a good hospital. Between praying and waiting for any word, I realized there was very little I could say. I don't know whether or not I believed that God would answer my requests affirmatively, but in the end He did. He kept my friend alive, her door was unlocked, my teammate got to her safely and got her to a hospital. I was stunned and overwhelmed by it all.
The Father saved His child, and He provided. I am so grateful. I know that He doesn't always answer according to how I think is best, but the truth is that He cares about His people and listens to them. He listens to me and He cares for me. It isn't within His character to give me everything I desire because my heart still is motivated by selfish desires and I do not know all there is to know about all of life. He knows all things and He created a way for me to not be condemned to hell. He hears me, he holds me and he gives to His children what is best for them and gives him glory.
Romans 8
I knew that living by myself would be a challenge if only for the reason that I am an extrovert and spending more than an hour alone by myself can really take it out of me (I hope I don't exhaust others as much as I exhaust myself!) Furthermore, working through Sonship and reading through A Praying Life just happened to hit at the right time to really challenge me to spend time talking with my Father. If I haven't said this already, spending time with Him has become really difficult for me the last couple years. My view of Him and my view of myself are separately so skewed that seeking time with Him in conversation is not something I have desired, nor have I felt necessary. Going through these two studies though, I am being prodded to seek Him, and I can feel the ache of emptiness in my heart causing me to desire time with Him. Also, reading A Praying Life has made me realize how much pressure I feel when I pray. Because the concept of God being personal, a being that can and does relate back to me, is something I have grown up knowing, I have developed a lot of bitterness towards Him for not answering some really big requests I have made in my life. I have also spent most of my life praying like the pharisee who stands on a corner and talks about all that he has done well (Luke 18:9-14). Prayer has become something I do when I tell someone I'll pray for them and I feel guilty if I don't at least mention their name to God and say something like, "I lift so-and-so up to you, God." But is He really listening, especially when the person praying cares so little? This is the question that has been hard for me to answer. What about the time he took my brother from this world when I begged him on the shore not to? What about the time I asked him to get me that job to help bolster my med school app? Why hasn't he allowed me to feel his arms around me or hear his voice audibly?
Part of me has grown to expect Him to answer in the opposite way I ask, or not answer at all. I don't expect good gifts from Him, and I doubt that he cares to listen to lil ole ME!! However, somehow, the Spirit has softened me with good words of my God's character. Part of my problem is that I segment His character into separate boxes so that He becomes distant to me. Imagine segmenting the character of a friend, or even yourself; it isn't pretty.
So what would I do if the Lord God showed up to my house for a surprise visit? One night I decided that as I ate dinner I would turn the other chairs toward me and act as if the Trinity was there before me. Let me tell you this, it was the opposite of comfortable for me. I kept checking the window to make sure no one was gawking there at me. I laughed nervously and looked at my plate. What was I supposed to say?! Hey. I feel crazy because I am talking to air. I ran out of things to say, laughed at myself for offering desert to the chairs and then made myself sit there and keep talking. I slowly felt more comfortable. The thoughts that kept rolling around in my mind were as follows: God is real and He is present with me even though I can't see Him. He is enjoying time with me and laughing with me in pleasure at my silliness. He cares about my heart, about my wounds, and He wants to listen. He does listen. He is in this room with me now!
The interns arrived last Wednesday night and we have been going through cultural orientation and the beginning of the Sonship study. It is so fun to have them here! I knew one of them from college but the other three I didn't know at all. It is pretty cool how well we meld together so far, and how gracious the team here is to newcomers (I'm learning so much about the grace of the Father through my teammates).
Thursday night was a hard night though, separate from orientation. I got a call about a friend I have here who seemed to be in a pretty dark place. After getting in touch with her one of my teammates decided to go with her husband to the girl's place. I was in a place of total helplessness, in a situation that felt hopeless. I pled with God to keep my friend alive, save her from the darkness, enable my teammate to get there quickly and safely, somehow have the locks on the girl's door unlocked and for speedy travel to a good hospital. Between praying and waiting for any word, I realized there was very little I could say. I don't know whether or not I believed that God would answer my requests affirmatively, but in the end He did. He kept my friend alive, her door was unlocked, my teammate got to her safely and got her to a hospital. I was stunned and overwhelmed by it all.
The Father saved His child, and He provided. I am so grateful. I know that He doesn't always answer according to how I think is best, but the truth is that He cares about His people and listens to them. He listens to me and He cares for me. It isn't within His character to give me everything I desire because my heart still is motivated by selfish desires and I do not know all there is to know about all of life. He knows all things and He created a way for me to not be condemned to hell. He hears me, he holds me and he gives to His children what is best for them and gives him glory.
Romans 8
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Monday, June 2, 2014
Clean up on aisle 7!
This last week my host family left so I have the house to myself until the other interns arrive. Since my hostess had been doing all the shopping before this week I went to the grocery store by myself for the first time. As I walked to the grocery store, I felt confident and excited. I had already made my list and even decided I would try itemizing the fruit and veggies. I walked into the shopping center, grabbed a cart and entered the grocery store. Still feeling good.
First things first, veggies. Power went out. I looked around, surprised, not realizing that the power cut-outs would extend to a shopping center. I think, well how am I supposed to see the cost of this stuff to write it down. Power came back on. I start writing down prices, but the power went out again. This time I act like nothing happened; I didn't look around or act surprised. I tell you, I looked like I belonged. Thankfully the power came back on, and I moved on to the dairy section. Cheese is SO SO expensive here, so I stand with three different choices of Feta trying to figure out if cheaper is better and am I willing to sacrifice taste. I went with the mid-range. As I walk PAST the candy aisle (that's a point of pride for me), and even past the crisp (chip) aisle, I started to wonder if the store has Ritz crackers or Honey Bunches of Oats. Every item on my list I have to search for, read the entire label to make sure it's what I wanted, figure out the exchange rate and if it's worth buying it.
First things first, veggies. Power went out. I looked around, surprised, not realizing that the power cut-outs would extend to a shopping center. I think, well how am I supposed to see the cost of this stuff to write it down. Power came back on. I start writing down prices, but the power went out again. This time I act like nothing happened; I didn't look around or act surprised. I tell you, I looked like I belonged. Thankfully the power came back on, and I moved on to the dairy section. Cheese is SO SO expensive here, so I stand with three different choices of Feta trying to figure out if cheaper is better and am I willing to sacrifice taste. I went with the mid-range. As I walk PAST the candy aisle (that's a point of pride for me), and even past the crisp (chip) aisle, I started to wonder if the store has Ritz crackers or Honey Bunches of Oats. Every item on my list I have to search for, read the entire label to make sure it's what I wanted, figure out the exchange rate and if it's worth buying it.
My shopping continues, I am marking things off my list, and, although I could feel myself growing tired, I felt accomplished. I can totally do this whole living in a different country thing, I thought to myself. As I walked onto the aisle on which the cereal was located, weariness overtook me. I saw the Kelloggs brand name and felt a bit of relief, but then I checked the price: $11 for a box of plain Kelloggs Corn Flakes. What !? No joke, I thought how nice it would be to sit down and cry. Why can't a store sell a box of good cereal for less than $10!? I don't think it's that much to ask. My frustration soon turned to amusement as I thought of turning my little fit into a social experiment. What would the mzungus (white people) and Kenyans do if they found me crying on the floor of the cereal aisle? Maybe I would stand up and give them a hug as I kept crying.
I decided against it and checked out. As I walked to the fruit and veg store I started to feel the time crunch of being done by the time my taxi came for me, so I tried to rush through. I started to get frustrated with the prices: 1 kg of garlic for KES 300! I asked one of the workers why it was so expensive; he didn't know. As I went to check out, I felt anxious. What if I go over my budget? I'm sure I bought too much, but how can I tell with all these metric units mocking me. Long story short, I spent less on my fruit and veg than I would if I had bought a five dollar foot long from subway.
On a more serious note, the following excerpt from Paul Miller's "A Praying Life" really challenged me to think about the whole picture of God's character instead of just one piece of it. For instance, I often get stuck on the thought of His Sovereignty. Having experienced loss and dwelling on God's total control over my life, often leads me to anger towards Him. If He is in control why does He allow the terrible things that happen in our lives?
On a more serious note, the following excerpt from Paul Miller's "A Praying Life" really challenged me to think about the whole picture of God's character instead of just one piece of it. For instance, I often get stuck on the thought of His Sovereignty. Having experienced loss and dwelling on God's total control over my life, often leads me to anger towards Him. If He is in control why does He allow the terrible things that happen in our lives?
If God is sovereign, then he is in control of all the details of my life. If He is loving, then He is going to be shaping the details of my life for my good. If He is all-wise, then He's not going to do everything I want because I don't know what I need. If He is patient, then He is going to take time to do all this. When we put it all together--God's sovereignty, love, wisdom, and patience--we have a divine story.
"Come to Me,
all who are weary and heavy-laden,
and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28
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