2+ Weeks

  In 19 days I begin my physical journey to Nairobi, Kenya. Incredibly enough and because of the Lord's work, I have approximately 55% of my support money raised. I can't believe it, and yet the peace in my heart speaks to the work of the Spirit both in me and in those who are praying for me and supporting me monetarily.
  I still need help though. And I am beginning to see more deeply why it is so hard for me to ask people to give their money to send me on this trip. Once again my struggle with trusting in the character of God comes to the forefront. I don't trust him with my heart. The deepest part of it. Asking people for help is not the problem, it's the part after I pose the question where there is a reply and I have to react or not react to the reply. What if someone says no, they can't help me? I don't want to heap guilt upon them. I don't want respond in a way that would disappoint God. I have to be perfect, and show my Father that I can handle any situation. I am strong and ready, and not easily moved. I hate showing my disappointment to the Lord. What if He decides I can't handle whatever it is? What if he decides He is tired of showing me grace?

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

7So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.